Marriage, then love — Why arranged marriages still work today

By Gardiner Harris. NEW DELHI — For thousands of years, fathers in India have arranged the marriages of their children, and Garima Pant — like an estimated 95 percent of her millennial peers — was intent on following this most Indian of traditions. Her father found a well-educated man in her caste from a marriage website that features profiles of potential mates and presented his choice to her. And that was when her rebellion began. Pant, a year-old special education teacher, after seeing a picture of a man with streaks of color in his hair. So her father picked another profile. When a profile of a man who intrigued her finally appeared, Ms. Her boldness made the match. By the time the fathers discovered that their families were of the same gotra, or subcaste, generally making marriage taboo, their children had texted and emailed enough that they were hooked.

Why Indian Women Opt For Arranged Marriages Despite Being Wary Of Them

Your spouse is just a set of qualifications to finally one-up your neighbours or your rival at work. Stagnant social mobility, casteist educational institutions and economic inequality glom together to create families, neighbourhoods, schools, colleges and work places where everyone has similar incomes and wealth, lifestyles, intellectual interests and ambitions.

In other words, the metrics of compatibility all conspire towards upholding oppressive structures. Practicing hyper-individuality to stand out on dating apps is disenchanting, having your personhood disregarded completely is no better. Marital rape is still legal in India. Disputes and murders over dowry are regular news items.

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Marriage arrangements, divorce rates have increased among older americans. Download it.

Inside Netflix’s eye-opening look at arranged marriage, your next reality TV obsession

Dating has been mentioned as the training ground for building a marriage relationship, for learning how to relate to someone of the opposite sex. Unfortunately, this is already happening. Then most non-Asians hear of arranged marriages, they think of instances where individuals are sworn over to each other, never meeting until the day of the wedding.

Such a custom is often looked upon with doubt and inhibitions, wariness and disbelief. There are advantages and disadvantages to each.

Whether your parents or friends arranged it, or a commercial website or dating app arranged it, or you arranged it – anyway, it is an arrangement.

I have been married for 11 years and I have three wonderful kids ages 9, 7 and 18 months. After the birth of my third child I had post natal depression and I’m just out of therapy and my doctor says I am fine now. My problem is that I feel I am not in love with my husband any more, I am not attracted to him, I find him boring and sometimes annoying.

Our marriage was arranged, we never knew each other before the engagement but we were given a chance to meet and see if we like each other. I feel that if my father hadn’t pressured me I might have said no back then. At this point in my life I feel that I have always let my father make all the serious decisions in my life including who to marry.

At the age of 34 I know myself better and I know what I want out of life but its too late to change anything. My husband is dedicated to me and the kids and he provides us with a good life, he’s really not a bad guy.

Aziz Ansari: Love, Online Dating, Modern Romance and the Internet

Sharlene Chen. This couple was set up on a date and given a choice as to whether they would like to seal the union, unlike a forced marriage, in which the couple does not get time to familiarize themselves with each other and the family is completely in control regarding the decision. Kavya Iyer and Anusha Kothari November 6,

Courtship is the traditional dating period before engagement and marriage (or long term commitment if marriage is not allowed). It is an alternative to arranged.

Now available to stream, the series follows Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia as she painstakingly works with singles and their families in India and America to find desirable mates for marriage. One client, New Jersey-based event planner Nadia, wonders if her Indian-ness will come into question because of her Guyanese heritage. With the global reach of Netflix, Mundhra saw an opportunity to present a look at dating and relationships through the very specific lens of the South Asian experience that would reach a wide audience.

That we have all sorts of different backgrounds, different ideals and ideologies. I think you can sort of learn a lot just from the examples and the specific journey of the participants. Mundhra ultimately met her now-husband in graduate school. There was this refreshing honesty about her, and absolute passion for what she does.

Even as dating sites such as shaadi. Viewers get a glimpse of that process, which includes an emphasis on horoscopes and astrology. She often consults with a face reader on the series, getting detailed reports of her clients based off their facial features assessed via their photos. She also assembles biodata for each client, which is essentially a marital resume, and conducts in-person consultations with her clients and their families. Taparia is still actively working with singles amid the COVID pandemic, though she has limited her consultations to phone and video.

It goes on in my mind 24 hours. Near the end of the season, Taparia reluctantly takes on a divorced single woman as a client, noting that people with children can prove difficult to match.

I agreed to marry a man I’d met only once

Subscriber Account active since. Most Americans who get married today believe they are choosing their own partners after falling in love with them. Arranged marriages, which remain common in some parts of the world, are a rarity here. But while doing research about arranged marriages , I’ve made a surprising observation: These seemingly different kinds of matrimony may be beginning to converge.

What my parents’ arranged marriage has taught me is real of people are either in relationships or are just casually dating potential interests.

My parents, who were born in India and live in Wyoming, had an arranged marriage, one that has lasted almost 30 years. And every one of them was arranged. Arranged marriages in India have a lower divorce rate than American marriages, though that could be partly because divorce is generally frowned on in more traditional cultures. Nashra Balagamwala, a Pakistan native who attended the Rhode Island School of Design, made international headlines in late when she created a board game to spark conversations about arranged marriages and help educate the Western world about them.

The concept of arranged marriage is not as foreign as you might think. In , about 25 percent of heterosexual couples in America met through family, yet with the rise in online dating that number had dipped below 10 percent by , according to researchers at Stanford University and the City College of New York. While some marriages do happen this way around the world — and are certainly problematic — there are more modern versions, too. In many instances, parents give their children the option of choosing from multiple suitors.

And it is truly your decision in the end. The practice also extends beyond heterosexual romance: At least one matchmaking company in India helps pair off same-sex couples. Arranged marriages do breed homogeneity, but I think it is important to note one of the key reasons why Indian-Americans continue to choose them: cultural connection. Living in America can feel culturally isolating, and finding a partner who grew up with the same background, language, and ideals can help keep that culture alive and teach it to the next generation.

First Comes Marriage

Sushmita Pathak. Is it a match? A potential couple meet up courtesy of a matchmaker in the Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. Netflix hide caption. A picky year-old from Mumbai whose unwillingness to marry raises his mom’s blood pressure.

Arranged marriages are not much different then swiping on Tinder or asking to be set up by your friends. The biggest difference is probably that.

Arranged marriage is a type of marital union where the bride and groom are selected by family, particularly by family members such as the parents. In some cultures a professional matchmaker may be used to find a spouse for a young person. Arranged marriages have historically been prominent in many cultures. The practice remains common in many regions, notably South Asia , though in many other parts of the world, the practice has declined substantially during the 19th and 20th centuries.

There are several subcategories of arranged marriage. Forced marriages , practised in some cultures, are condemned by the United Nations. The specific sub-category of forced child marriage is especially condemned. Arranged marriages were very common throughout the world until the 18th century. Some historical exceptions are known, such as courtship and betrothal rituals during the Renaissance period of Italy [3] and Gandharva Vivah in the Vedic period of India.

A marriage was a negotiation and decision between parents and other older members of two families.

Arranged marriage

An international transition away from familially-arranged marriages toward participation in spouse choice has endured for decades and continues to spread through rural Asia today. Though we know this transformation has important consequences for childbearing early in marriage, we know much less about longer-term consequences of this marital revolution.

This study draws upon theories of family and fertility change and a rural Asian panel study designed to investigate changes in both marital and childbearing behaviors to investigate these long-term consequences. Controlling for social changes that shape both marital practices and childbearing behaviors, and explicitly considering multiple dimensions of marital processes, we find evidence consistent with an independent, long-standing association of participation in spouse choice with higher rates of contraception to terminate childbearing.

Young men did not date Indian girls and viewed Indian girls dating others (both Indian Arranged marriages are where family or kin determine the marriage.

The experts evaluate each potential couple’s compatibility across sexuality, spirituality and psychology, coaching them both before they make their way to the altar and in the weeks that follow the marriage to help them navigate married life with their new spouse. And they seemed to do an outstanding job: Every single couple decided to stay married on the season finale. According to Dr. Joseph Cilona , PsyD, who served as the show’s psychologist for three seasons, the research and consideration that goes into matching each couple is extremely thorough.

I also conducted in-depth clinical interviews and formulated an extensive and detailed questionnaire that covered topics like personal values, family history, romantic relationship history, career and work life , lifestyle habits and preferences and many other topics. The divorce rate of arranged marriages is less than 4 percent versus 40 percent of marriages in the U. Which by reality show standards is impressive we’re looking at you, “Bachelor”. Are there some guiding principles that we can borrow from them on our own quest to find love?

Unlike “Married at First Sight” where the soon-to-be husband and wife know nothing about their future spouse not even their name , there’s typically a fair amount of information exchanged during arranged marriages.

Marital Processes, Arranged Marriage, and Contraception to Limit Fertility

Not all arranged marriages are forced marriages however, all forced marriages are arranged marriages, orchestrated by family. Choosing a dress takes longer. As legitimate as they sound, the arguments against this form of marriage are mired in assumptions: 1. That your parents choose for you. You have little or no say in the matter.

My Wife is Depressed. Should I help her to Toughen Up or Just Be There for her? Engaged to be married but fighting. The wedding date has.

It works like this in South Asia, at least:. These initial marriages are then filtered by social and economic considerations like class, income, education, profession, religion and https. The write-ups are accompanied with photographs. Usually, a studio man in a flattering angle. The picture is the clincher. A close-up to check for childhood acne and make-up marriages. The girls shortlist their photographs as how. She swipes left and how on the quora, as her parents look over her shoulder helplessly.

Else they start dating over site, lunch, and movies. Both boy and girl audition for the role of future son-in-https and daughter-in-law as best they can. If they marry to go through with it, an love is worked out. Some families skip it altogether for the big fat wedding. Sometimes horoscopes or astrological marriages are exchanged.

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